June 16, 2025

Listening that Heals

It still moves me. Every time.

Even after years of practicing this skill – and teaching it to hundreds of leaders – I’m still stunned by how powerful it is when someone feels truly heard. Not fixed. Not managed. Just deeply, honestly, seen and known.

At Culture Counts, we call it Getting Their World. When practiced with presence and sincerity, it can shift the emotional space of any relationship – especially when things feel strained or unsaid.

Last week, I sat down to talk with a longtime friend. We’d shared a meaningful relationship over the years, but recently I felt unheard and stifled. I was frozen in an old story: You’ll never really see me. There’s no room for my world here.

That story had taken root in a quiet, rotten way. It felt sad, but familiar. And like most stories that keep us stuck, I clung to it – more committed to my disappointment than to the possibility of a new experience.

Then something shifted. I realized I’d replayed this same pattern – at work, in family, in life. When I felt hurt, I shut down. When someone didn’t hear me, I checked out, created a wall – rehearsing my case, holding my guard.

So when my friend reached out and asked to connect, this time I got curious: What if how I listened shaped what happened next?

I made a commitment. I’d drop my assumptions and I would commit to getting my friend’s world as he shared. I wouldn’t argue, defend, or interrogate him. I’d listen to understand how my friend saw things – especially our relationship – and reflect back what I heard until he could say, “Yes, Whitney, you’re getting it. I feel heard.”

It wasn’t easy. My old reactions arose. I wanted to interrupt, correct. But I returned to being curious. I said, “Tell me more.” And slowly, something shifted.